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| Where am I? When you're life starts to dwindle away from you, how do you reel it back in again? When you start to have difficulty recognizing yourself and all the people surrounding you, how do you get to know them all again? For some reason, my life has taken me on a road that I no longer recognize. I don't know what I'm doing or how I became this person that I see. My head aches with the confusion. Who is this person and how do I find myself again? | | |
| Happy endings I have emotions. Who doesn't? I am currently experiencing every emotion that exists. Hatred, guilt, sadness, relief, loneliness... everything you do, say and are is affecting my emotions. I look at you with such hatred sometimes. Like I could reach into your chest and ripe out your heart! I can't stand the sight of you some days. I wish you would grow up and not rely on me to do everything for you. Some days the guilt of my emotions take over me. I say awful things to you because I'm so annoyed or irritated or tired or angry. I don't always mean the things I say... but it's difficult to take anything back these days. So I live with my guilt. The only thing I ask of you, is to respect the fact that I am emotional. I am human. I feel things and I express things and I wish you'd notice or even take what I say and roll with it, make some changes to yourself and your lifestyle. Obviously I'm just trying to find my happy ending, and you're just getting in the way. | | |
| Such hatred Lately I've been feeling so angry. I never knew myself to be such a hateful, pissed off person like this before. I listen to Brian's ridiculousness and get so annoyed. I see your pregnant girlfriend slander me on facebook and I just attack! For whatever reason, I hate the world and I ain't afraid to show it!! I wish I could figure out what I'm really angry at though... it would solve a lot of unanswered questions for me. Am I mad at you for getting her knocked up and ruining our chances together? Am I mad at Brian for getting in the way of my heart? Am I mad at myself for taking so damn long? Whatever or whomever I am infuriated with will just have to wait. Right now I'm concentrating on finding myself again, as a single, independent, beautiful woman. I used to have such inner confidence and such strength and somewhere between Nick and Brian... I've lost that. I am officially single as of two days ago, and I intend to stay that way for a while. I need a re-evaluation. And, I certainly don't want to make a ridiculous mistake like YOU did knocking that dumb bitch up and getting stuck with her for life. Enjoy that, dick! | | |
| Different Directions "It seems our lives are just heading in two different directions." Damn. Ain't that the truth. Now that I've broken up with Brian, officially, and am once more a single woman... you are having a baby with your girlfriend. Different directions somehow doesn't seem to cover it. I thought I'd be happier after ending my relationship with Brian. But all I feel like doing is locking myself in my room and crying for a few days because the directions that our lives are taking now are far too apart from each other. Too bad I can't make it stop. | | |
| Two days ago... Two days ago I was texting you. We were discussing a possible reunion after almost a year. Our love has always been so complicated, confusing, and dramatic. You cheated, I cheated. We lied, we hurt each other, but the love was so strong and undeniable. We couldn't give each other up. We took the last year away from each other. Each finding someone new to date. We took that space because we needed a release from the pressures of our love. Two days ago we discussed the best methods of a reunion... You with a girlfriend. Me with a boyfriend. How would we be able to see each other again, see each other to decide if we could make this work. We talked about meeting halfway in Bismarck. We talked about how much we missed each other and could think about nothing else. Two days ago I was ready to make a new commitment to you. I was ready to give up whatever life I have made for myself here in order to be with my true love, you. Today, your girlfriend peed on a stick and saw two lines. Today, any chance of anything at all is destroyed. Damn. Always too late, too scared, too worried, too whatever... | | |
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